5 Steps to Spiritual Alignment With Your Spouse

Our lives are busy, and some days can feel like a blur. Knowing your spouse’s thoughts and heart can be a challenge with all that you are juggling. Yet, spiritual alignment in marriage is important to its success. It can be easy for one partner to feel that the other is not concerned about the same spiritual issues.

I can often ponder deep spiritual thoughts during my day as I hustle from homeschooling to dinner making to dishes. Meanwhile, my husband had an extremely busy day at work and was exhausted. When we finally fall into bed, and I hit him with a deep theological question, chances are that the discussion won’t go well.

Instead of bombarding your spouse with surprise spiritual questions, accusations, or plans, here are five simple and actionable steps you can take to achieve spiritual alignment in your marriage.

Pray

Take time to pray as a couple. Whether this is one minute before going your separate ways in the morning, a simple prayer while snuggling before bed, or an in-depth prayer session on your knees, try to develop a habit of joint prayer. If you need help figuring out where to start, choose a liturgical prayer or even a scripture that you can recite as a prayer together.

As this habit grows, attempt to add in other moments of prayer, such as after an injury, during an illness, before a decision, as thanks for a special moment, and more.

“They all joined constantly together in prayer . . .” Acts 1:14 NIV.

Talk

Communication has long been lauded as the key to successful relationships. Remember to discuss your spiritual lives. Choose one time a week to discuss your spiritual goals and concerns specifically. This may be a time of “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15 NIV) or a time of making plans for your family’s spiritual growth. This could develop into a more intense study time as you look at God’s word to help you with life decisions. Put it on the calendar and make it a priority. It may be awkward at first, but over time, the discussions will flow more easily and be more productive.

Listen

Talking may come easy, and you may even notice some specks in your spouse’s spiritual eyes, but listening is key. If your spouse comes to you with a spiritual concern or thought, listen attentively, even if you don’t agree at first. Be slow to respond and write down their concerns or beliefs so that you can evaluate them later with scripture, prayer, and thought. It can be easy to be defensive or self-focused, but it is important to remember that God can speak to your spouse as easily as He can to you.

Study

If your spouse has different spiritual beliefs, goals, or habits than you, don’t dismiss them immediately. Consider their worth and validity. Test everything against scripture. Study God’s word to know which path is the right one. This can be helpful to do before you bring up a topic or suggest a plan. Make sure you are confident in what God’s word says and you are not relying only on your own opinions. Keep a notebook with your spiritual goals, and if there are areas where the two of you disagree, tackle them one by one with study and prayer.

Seek

No matter your age, you are not too old to be mentored. Finding a couple or a biblical counselor to aid you in your spiritual alignment can be a game-changer for your relationship. Those who have gone before you have already walked many of the roads you are on, and a professional who has studied God’s Word can offer unbiased wisdom and help realign your spiritual lives.

None of these steps requires a massive life change, but rather a simple shift in habits to help create a shared spiritual path with your spouse.

Much as Christian in John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress was encouraged and spurred on by his friend Hopeful along his journey of faith, so can your spouse be an encouragement to you.