5 Ways to Appreciate Your Spouse Through God’s Eyes

When marriages are fresh, we often view our spouses through rose-colored glasses. Then, as the years go by and we get into the nitty-gritty of living with another sinner, those glasses begin to slip, and pedestals are knocked down. Yet, our view of our spouse can be redeemed when we view them through God’s eyes.

When we do this, we see Christ’s sacrifice covering their flaws, and we can feel God’s love for them even though they are imperfect. Your heart can shift from discouragement to hope as you remember that God can restore all things and make them new.

Here are five methods to aid you in viewing your spouse through God’s eyes.

1. List their gifts.

Faults are easy to find, so instead, focus on your spouse’s gifts. Even habits that might bother you at first thought could be a part of their unique personality. Consider what they excel at and see how many habits you can find a positive spin on. Thank God for these in prayer.

As Elisabeth Elliot once said, “A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”

2. Honor their roles.

Consider what your spouse is responsible for and make yourself aware of their duties. Ask them how they feel in their role or what their challenges and successes are. Sometimes, understanding the burdens and expectations of our spouse can give us more compassion and empathy for their position in the marriage. If it helps, write a list of your spouse’s covenantal duties and daily life duties in your relationship. Read this list to yourself as a reminder of God’s plan for them in your marriage.

3. Read the Word.

Numerous verses refer to the church as the bride of Christ. This imagery should remind us that marriages are meant to reflect the gospel. Read and study about how God treats the church (Christians), and make it your goal to reflect that same behavior with your spouse.

John Piper says it this way: “Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship with his redeemed people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married.”

4. Practice.

Scripture tells us to love our neighbor and even our enemies. Practicing this type of love with our spouse can build up our joy and gratitude for them. It is easier to serve someone by thinking about them. Put a note in their lunch, make their favorite breakfast, say a prayer for them as you fold their laundry, and pick up their favorite treat. You will be required to think about what would bless your spouse or what they might enjoy. This can encourage you to remember all the things that attracted you to them in the first place, or you might discover something new! Just as God blesses us with good gifts, bless your spouse. Our spouse is not only our marriage partner but a brother or sister in Christ. When viewed through that lens, it opens our eyes to Jesus’ expectations for our treatment of them.

5. Be joined.

Sometimes, couples can fall into a pattern of simply living together in the same house with little intentionality. The connection points are weak, and although you are going through the motions of being together, you don’t feel bonded. When we accept Christ, he lives in us, and His presence changes us. When we get married, we become one with our spouse, and this presence should change us. Even if you have to make the effort all on your own at first, try to plan some specific activities with your spouse. Ask them what they enjoy. Even if you usually go read in the other room while he exercises, try sitting with him instead. Better yet, join in on the workout. Or maybe you usually run to the grocery store alone. Ask Him to join you.

Consider unique ways to align your lives. This physical closeness will allow for deeper conversations, more shared experiences, unified humor and fun! God knows us and sees us well. We should all strive to know and see our spouse.

In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller states, “The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once. The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time, we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us.”

With Christ’s love for us as an example, we can look at our marriage with fresh eyes of wonder, appreciating the person God has made for us in all their complexities. We can look at our marriage with joy and hope.