Are You Missing What God is Building in Your Marriage?

We live in a world of past-paced romantic dramas and trite rom-coms that devalue and skip over the long and deep work of true, biblical marital love.

In today’s books, movies, and songs, love is quick, passionate, and easy. It is all about feelings and romance.

When we compare this to our own marriages, we may feel that something is missing. The days feel long, the years ahead seem repetitive. Work, meals, cleaning, and babies don’t seem to tell a story of soulmates destined to be together forever.

When progress in your marriage feels lackluster and the growth seems slow, remember that God is always working, even when we cannot see. Often, His work is quiet and without fanfare.

We need to look for the hidden and patient work in our marriages. Deep roots take time to grow, but they lead to healthy marriages.

The Quiet Work

Many have heard the adage that the trip of a million miles begins with a single step, or perhaps the more humorous one about eating an elephant a bite at a time. The meaning of these sayings is that repeated unremarkable acts can accomplish something grand.

This can be true of marriage as well.

Making your spouse’s lunch again and kissing them when they come home from work. Date night at the same restaurant you always go to. Tucking the kids in bed together after another exhausting day. These are the moments that lead to holding hands in rocking chairs while your grandchildren run about you.

The moments may not seem passionate or epic, but they are building a marriage that will stand the test of time. God often reminds us to rest and to let Him work. Striving can often be detrimental.

Look for examples of quiet work in your own marriage. What things are you doing well? What habits and behaviors will offer a good return on investment? Keep doing these things, knowing they will bless your marriage and deepen it.

The Slow Progress

Marriage is a journey. The word itself cannot be bound by time. Newlyweds have a marriage, but those together for a decade also have a marriage, as do those who have been together for fifty years. Over the years, couples learn and grow as spouses, and their marriage gradually improves as a result.

We can’t expect completion or perfection to come quickly. The slow progress of our marriages occurs because we are not static people. We grow, change, and are sanctified—our hobbies, life circumstances, and knowledge change. Our marriage must shift and change with these things. Thus, the growth may appear slow, but when you are playing a long game, slow is ok.

Consider areas of your marriage that you wish would move faster. Have you seen God working in any of these areas? If you look backward, can you see change or improvement? Be encouraged. God promises to complete the work He is doing in you, and this applies to your marriage as well.

The Fruitful Marriage

A fruitful marriage is not necessarily the one that seems flashy and full of fun, nor the one that seems successful, nor the one that seems the most passionate. A fruitful marriage is the one that glorifies God, sanctifies you, and lasts. This fruit is not always seen at first and may take years to grow, but it is worth the wait. Just as fruit trees take many years to actually produce a large harvest, so a marriage takes time and consistent work to produce its own fruit.

Don’t disregard the hidden things that God is doing in your marriage as you live out your simple days together. Trust God to grow you and your marriage in His own timing. As Ecclesiastes 4 reminds us, we will have a return for our labor when we work together.