Guarding What Matters: 5 Key Practices For Your Marriage

Scripture admonishes us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23 ESV). This wisdom can be applied to our marriages.

A guarded heart can lead to a healthier marriage because we know that “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9 ESV).

If we let our hearts lead us in our marriages, they will likely deceive us and negatively affect our relationship. It’s important to protect your marriage from distractions and sin rather than allowing Jesus to be the center of it.

Here are five ways to strengthen the love in your marriage by guarding your heart.

1. Guard against self-focus.

Scripture is full of admonitions to put others first or to focus on service over self. This may be easy to apply to the downtrodden and the marginalized, but what about your spouse when they enjoy watching shows about fishing and you don’t? Sometimes, the most practical applications of scripture are the most difficult.

We want to serve God in grand ways and miss opportunities to serve Him simply. Our hearts may tell us we “deserve” something or that our spouse “should” do something. What we need to remember is the truth that God has called us to lay down our lives. We need to look at annoyances or our own needs and wants as secondary. God has promised to reward us when we pour out to others, and His rewards are far better than anything we can demand from ourselves.

2. Guard against focusing on the negative.

We all have bad habits, and the closer we are to people, the more obvious bad habits can appear.

Elisabeth Elliot famously said, “A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”

Focusing on the negative aspects of your spouse or marriage will only bring those things into focus more and more. Instead, focus on the good. Tell yourself true things about the good. Repeat them. Write them down. Thank God for them. Complement your spouse.

3. Guard against apathy.

Our hearts crave newness, excitement, and pursuit. If our marriages feel routine, we can begin to believe the lie that our marriages are not strong. Routine and comfort in marriage are signs of growth, but that does not mean we should be apathetic. Instead, we should pursue our spouse in service, interest, and romance. Prioritize intentional quality time. This doesn’t necessarily mean a date night. It could simply be a night set aside to do something specific with one another, even if it is as simple as eating popcorn and playing a game.

Work on sharing your thoughts, dreams, and questions with your spouse to keep the two of you learning about each other in each new season of life. Remember to pursue one another physically as well.

4. Guard against world wisdom.

The world has a lot to say about marriage, and most of it aligns with our hearts and not with scripture. The world will focus on your worth, your self-love and care, and your fulfillment. All of these ideas oppose scripture. Be careful who you listen to, what you read, and where you go for advice. Be prepared to test all ideas against scripture.

Consider phrases such as “Happy wife, Happy life” and see if you think they coincide with God’s truth and teaching on marriage. If you do need help in your marriage, read the Bible and biblical books and seek mentors or biblical counselors.

5. Guard against despair.

Sometimes, real problems arise in marriage. This can be discouraging but maintain hope. The world tells us that certain things are deal breakers, and our hearts may feel beaten down and hopeless, yet God can overcome any obstacle in marriage. It is never too late for redemption, and we serve a God of miracles.

Our hearts are fickle and weak and directly influenced by our sinful nature. Following our hearts in marriage can lead to disastrous results. God’s Word and ways are full of wisdom and truth. Following Him in our marriages can lead to health and love. Choose this day to follow your God and not your heart, and your marriage will flourish.