When You Feel Invisible in Your Marriage

Feeling unseen by your spouse can be deeply painful. How can returning to your identity in Christ restore hope and security?

When You Feel Invisible

Earthly relationships are important. They define our days and have a profound impact on our lives. How we feel about being treated by others can significantly impact our sense of worth and purpose.

When it comes to our marriage, these feelings are more deeply intensified because our spouse is the person we spend most of our time with and who knows us most intimately, or at least they should.

When we don’t feel seen in our marriages, that invisibility can seep into how we feel about ourselves in every area of life. It can lead to depression, a lack of purpose, and continual pain.

Your True Identity in Christ

At the root of this issue is not an error on our spouse’s side, but a case of mistaken identity on our own. When we shift our identity from spouse to child of God, we can rediscover our value and purpose.

Maintaining our identity in Christ as our primary identifier can provide us with the hope and security that our marriage may be lacking.

Psalm 139:1-2 tells us, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.” God knows us intimately and, despite knowing all the good and the bad, He still chose to love and redeem us. He sees us more intimately than any human partner can.

When we feel that our spouse does not know us or understand us, we can remember that God does and that He is paying attention. We are not alone, and we are not invisible. We have an omniscient and omnipresent God who cares deeply about every piece of who we are because He created us.

Reminding ourselves that we are His creation, His Child, His possession, and His bride can restore our worth and hope.

Isaiah 41:10 helps us to know where to go when a lack of intimacy and connection in our marriages threatens to leave us depressed and unmotivated. God’s word says, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” God is telling us that no matter how people fail us in life, we should not give up, we should not fall into sorrow because He is there to lift us up. To bring us into visibility.

God’s Presence Brings Healing

Psalm 34:18 is a comfort because it confirms that God understands our emotions. He knows that our worldly relationships will hurt us. He has also known relational hurt, as evidenced by the fact that when He came to earth in the form of Jesus, He was rejected by those who professed to love Him the most.

Because of this, He tells us, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” This is a promise. Although our marriage may feel insecure, and we may not be confident in the love of our spouse, we can look to God to heal that pain and bring us out of it.

Marriage is important and biblical, and it can be God-honoring, but it is not our primary identity. Our first identity is our standing in Christ. We are redeemed. We are eternal souls designed to glorify God and to live with Him forever. That is our first and most important purpose.

Even when we feel unloved in a marriage, God’s love for us remains constant. Even if we feel misunderstood, God understands. Even if we feel unimportant, God has a purpose for us. Even if we feel lonely, God is there. He can fill every empty place that a difficult marriage creates.

When your hope and your security fail in your earthly relationship, reach for the heavenly one that will never fail. Read a scripture, sing a hymn, listen to the Bible, recite God’s attributes. Run to your Creator when you feel like an insignificant creature. He will lift you up.

As James 4:10 tells us, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”