Is My Child Depressed? What Should I Do?

Depression is a life experience that no parent wants for their child. A once-vibrant child turns into a shadow of themselves, becoming unreachable. There is a temptation to search for a quick fix, a plan or a powerful prayer that can snap the child out of their funk. But depression does not yield to quick fixes. The process can feel like a slow, suffocating fog. And walking a child through depression requires more than resolve or a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps mentality. The journey requires a consistent presence that genuinely desires to walk through the valley with your child.  It is a sacred space. And how parents show up here can be the difference between isolation and healing.

Understand That Depression is a Human Wound, Not a Lack of Faith

As humans, we have mountain-top and valley experiences. Elijah stood on a mountain and called fire from heaven. A mountain top experience, literally. But after being chased by a queen who wanted to kill him, Elijah curled up under a tree, depleted and scared, begging God to end his life (1 Kings 19). God did not rebuke him but rather provided him shelter. He fed Elijah, Let him sleep and then gently whispered the truth back into his soul.

Your child may not have called fire down from heaven and been chased by an evil queen; however, a wound in their lifetime led to the depression they experienced. Their depression is not a fit of rebellion or weakness of self. It is often the outcome of stress, trauma, isolation or deep emotional depletion. The behavior the child is exhibiting is an outward, nonverbal communication of a need that wants to be met. What they need from you is recognition, validation, a calm presence and time.

How?

• Name what is real: “This is hard,” “I see you’re hurting,” and “I’m here.”
• Listen to hear. Be curious. Stay open. Be patient.

Let Grace Walk in First

God showed up in the wilderness and unconditionally loved Elijah just as he was. That’s what children need too.

Children with depression expect rejection or disappointment. The narrative of depression screams: You’re too much. You’re not enough. You’re a burden.

Grace without conditions unravels those lies. Let your child feel your heart before they hear your advice. Remain genuine. They want the real you.

How?

• Sit beside them, not above them.
• Speak less. Stay longer.
• Whisper, “I love you,” even when they cannot say it back.
• Pray over them as they sleep.

Healing Walks, Not Rushes

Depression is oftentimes a long road that winds. Just like Elijah, your child may need more time than you are used to giving. And trust is established through genuine consistency over that of efficiency.

How?

• Share meals.
• Learn how your child receives love.
• Open up for child-led conversations.
• Show up in their world without needing them to be “okay.”

Your calm rhythm is the scaffolding they cling to when they have no strength of their own.

Build a Circle of Care

Depression can be medical, emotional and/or spiritual. It may require therapy, medication or both. That is not a failure of faith. When walking with your child, let them know they have not failed. Communicate that you both will need support. Carefully choose who will be your community for the duration of healing.

How?

• Schedule an assessment.
• Involve youth leaders, counselors or trusted mentors.
• Let others help you hold the weight.

Parents burn out when they carry silent guilt and try to manage this alone. This is something you were never supposed to undertake on your own.

Lavish Love on Your Child

God led with love. He did not wait for Elijah to come to his senses or calm down. God simply brought love to Elijah. In a depressed child’s world, love can feel transactional: “If I act normal, they will love me. If I get better, they will stay.” Those thoughts are the child’s reality.

Undo that lie. Lavish them with love.

How?

• Celebrate small steps such as a full school day, a smile, a shower.
• Say “I’m proud of you” without any performance on their behalf.
• Say “You are loved” even in their silence.

Your love must be louder than their shame.

Come alongside your child like Christ does. This is not the end of their story.

If you have a child with depression, make efforts to come alongside them in loving action. Speak to their pain without rushing their progress, create small rhythms of connection, build a support team and healthy resources, remain compassionate and faithful in prayer. Remember that this will be an exercise in faithful consistency, not perfection.

Stay. Listen. Speak love with your eyes. And remember: the goal is not to fix them, but to never let them face this darkness alone.

Psalm 23:4 reminds us: “Even though I walk through the valley…You are with me.” Not around the valley. Through it. God walks every step with us—and with our children.

You cannot fix your child’s depression. But you can reflect the Father’s heart. You can create a home where healing is possible. Your posture can become the place where your child meets grace.

Christ does not flee from the brokenhearted; He moves toward them.

So must we.

Dr. Mark Mayfield is an Assistant Professor of Counseling at Colorado Christian University. He is also an author, speaker, leadership coach and counselor with extensive experience in executive leadership as the former founder and CEO of Mayfield Counseling Centers.