Want to Raise Spiritually Resilient Kids? Start With These Five Conversations

Most parents want happiness, purpose, resilience and a faith that lasts for their children. Yet many moms and dads worry that they’re not doing enough to cultivate that faith at home or don’t know what they can do. Most often, Christian parents outsource their kids’ spiritual formation to Sunday school, youth group or the occasional devotional book, hoping that something “sticks.”

But faith is not a program we enroll our kids in. Faith is a relationship. And relationships grow through conversation.

For years I’ve watched the same truth play out in homes of all shapes and sizes, namely that the families who talk about their faith tend to grow in their faith. Research affirms this. A recent study from Communio and Harvard found that churchgoers who recalled having at least weekly talks about faith with their parents were more than 2.5 times as likely to have regular faith conversations with their own children. For those who remembered daily conversations, the odds jumped to more than 7.5 times. Faithful dialogue isn’t just meaningful in the moment; it shapes the next generation.

And yet, despite acknowledging the impact of these conversations on their spiritual lives, less than half of surveyed churchgoers (48%) said they have faith discussions with their children at least once a week. The gap between what parents believe matters and what they practice is wide, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

The Most Powerful Faith Formation Happens in Everyday Moments

Scripture is clear that you reap what you sow. Not through lectures or perfectly scripted family devotions, but through honest, meaningful dialogue, usually in the margins of life, like car rides, bedtime routines and dinner conversations.

Parents often assume these conversations must be theological or formal, but in reality, kids simply need space to explore their thoughts, fears and questions with someone who loves them. When parents ask thoughtful, open-ended questions, they do more than spark conversation. They communicate, “Your thoughts matter. Your heart matters. And I’m here to walk with you.”

Here are five questions that can help deepen both your child’s faith and your relationship with them:

1. “Tell me one thing you think God likes about you.”

This prompt helps children see themselves through God’s eyes. Our culture constantly tells kids what they are not: not good enough, not athletic enough, not smart enough or not popular enough. Asking what God delights in redirects their focus to their own belovedness. It reinforces identity rooted not in achievement but in grace.

This question also gives parents a window into their children’s self-perception. If a child struggles to name anything, that’s not failure — it’s an opportunity. It tells you where encouraging words and Scripture truths may be most needed.

2. “What was hard this week, and how did you talk to God about it?”

Faith is not only for Sunday mornings. It’s for math tests, friendship struggles and disappointments on the playground. When parents normalize talking to God about ordinary challenges, kids learn that prayer is not a performance but a conversation with a loving Father.

If they didn’t pray about it, resist the urge to correct. Instead, say something like, “Thanks for telling me that. Can we talk to God about it together?” And then pray with them about it. In this simple practice, you’ll model the very habit you want them to adopt.

3. “If Jesus sat at our dinner table tonight, what do you think He’d say to you?”

Children often see Jesus as a distant character rather than a present Savior. This imaginative question brings Jesus into the room. Their answers might surprise you. Some will express confidence (“He’d tell me He’s proud of me”), while others might reveal insecurities (“He might be disappointed because I messed up”).

Whatever their response, you gain insight into how they perceive God’s heart. This useful insight can then be used to gently guide them with biblical truth and reassurance.

4. “Who shows God’s love well at your school?”

Kids learn best by observing. When they identify classmates or teachers who embody Christlike kindness, they’re not only noticing goodness but also forming a picture of what Christian character looks like.

This question subtly invites them to think beyond popularity, performance or appearance. It nurtures admiration for displays of the fruit of the Spirit, kindness, patience, courage, all of which can inspire their own future behavior.

5. “What’s a question about faith you think grown-ups are afraid to ask?”

Children and teens are full of theological wonderings, but they sometimes hesitate to voice them, especially if they think their questions are “wrong” or too big. This question creates a safety net. It tells them that doubt isn’t dangerous and curiosity isn’t rebellion; both are pathways to deeper faith.

Be ready though; their questions might surprise or stretch you. Welcoming their responses builds trust and invites shared exploration rather than silent uncertainty.

Strong families aren’t perfect families. They’re curious families; families willing to talk, listen and grow together. When parents model spiritual curiosity, children learn that faith is not a set of rules to follow but a relationship to cherish.

The good news is this: any Christian parent not already having these conversations can take a step today to make them a regular part of family life. You don’t need all the answers. You just need to show up with love, ask thoughtful questions and invite your children into a journey shaped by grace. Faith is built within relationship, and conversation is the doorway that keeps it open.

J.P. De Gance is the founder and president of Communio, a nonprofit organization that equips churches to promote healthy relationships, marriages and the family. He is co-author of “Endgame: The Church’s Strategic Move to Save Faith and Family in America.”