When Your Teen Doesn’t Want to Go to Church

“What am I supposed to do?” my friend pleaded, tears welling in her eyes. I listened quietly as she shared about the argument she had yet again with her teenage son.

“He really doesn’t want to go to church. At first, we tried to force him, then we bribed him, but honestly, nothing seems to work. My husband says we should just let him stay home, but I’m terrified that will only lead him further away from the Lord. What should we do?”

My heart broke for my friend. As believers, one of our greatest fears is that our children will abandon their faith. However, just because your teenager doesn’t want to go to church doesn’t mean they’re lost forever. It doesn’t even necessarily mean they don’t love Jesus. And it’s way more common than you might realize!

So, if this struggle sounds familiar, take a deep breath and know you are not alone. The goal is not to panic but to respond with wisdom and grace. Faith is a long-term journey, and your teen is only a few feet from the starting line.

Why Teens Resist Going to Church

There are numerous reasons why teenagers resist attending church.

As they grow up, their schedules get busier, and church becomes less of a priority. They might be exhausted after a long week at school or a late-night event. Perhaps they don’t fit in with the other kids in the youth group, are fighting with a friend, or don’t connect well with their leader.

Sometimes, your teen’s aversion to attending church may be a deeper spiritual issue. It is perfectly normal for teens to begin questioning the faith they grew up with during adolescence. This process can be messy. They might have questions or doubts about Christianity, and going to church makes them feel like a fraud. They may be bored by the sermons or have difficulty understanding the Bible and feel like the whole thing is a waste of time.

Identify the Core Issue

Whatever the case, it is essential for us as parents to understand their reasoning if we want to proceed wisely and avoid pushing them further away from God. What is the core issue? Is it discomfort? Doubt? Social anxiety? Boredom? Fatigue?

Here are a few questions you can ask your teen:

• Can you help me understand why you don’t want to go to church?

• Is there something specific about our church that you don’t like?

• Is there someone at church that you don’t want to be around?

• It’s normal to have doubts. Is there anything about Christianity or the Bible that you aren’t sure about?

• How are you feeling about your faith lately?

It’s essential to ask open-ended, non-defensive questions and listen carefully to their answers. Pray and ask the Lord to give you discernment to hear what they might be afraid to say. And try not to react emotionally or take their responses personally.

Resist the urge to defend, correct, or challenge them. At this stage, you are simply gathering information and acknowledging their feelings. The Lord will show you what to do with it.

Choose Your Battles

Once you have determined what your teen is actually struggling with, you will have a better idea of what to focus on—and what to let go of. Making the issue bigger than it is will only cloud the situation, potentially driving a wedge between you and your teen, and more importantly, between your teen and God.

Responding calmly with grace and compassion will convey more about Jesus to your teen than your words ever could. So, step back, take a breath, and decide what really matters.

Here are some things that matter:

• Your relationship with your teen.

• Showing them in words and actions that you (and God) love them unconditionally.

• Establishing trust and keeping open communication.

• Believing God is big enough to handle their doubts and questions.

• Giving them space to grow into their own faith.

• Modeling truth with an abundance of grace.

• Connecting them with other believers and godly mentors.

Notice I didn’t mention church attendance. That’s because it may or may not matter depending on their core issue. If their reasons for not wanting to attend church are relational or situational, it’s a great time to discuss priorities and determine whether a little grace is in order.

However, if your teen’s heart is hardened towards the Lord, forcing them to go to church is likely only going to reinforce that wall. Each situation is different, so I can’t make that decision for you. However, I encourage you to spend more time praying than arguing over whether they attend church with you. As Paul reminds us in Ephesians 6:12, “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Choose your battles carefully.

Find a Compromise

Finally, sit down and discuss potential solutions with your teen. If they are exhausted and overwhelmed, they might need to step away from some of their activities instead of skipping church. If a relational conflict arises, reconciliation is usually more beneficial than avoidance.

In some cases, you may even need to consider finding a new church. While I am definitely not a proponent of church hopping, there are instances where your child’s faith journey matters more than the church you attend. The important thing is prayerfully discussing these solutions together.

If your teen is dealing with a deeper spiritual struggle, your compromise might look different. Walking that line between your own personal convictions and giving your teen space can be tricky. In my experience, most teens are more deeply impacted by relationships with adult mentors than they are by a sermon. One compromise might be asking them to attend church with the family once a month (and letting them choose where to eat lunch afterwards), while surrounding them with godly adults who care about them. Opportunities to serve others are another great way to get teens to think outside themselves and soften their hearts towards the Lord.

Some Encouragement For Parents

Your relationship with your teen matters more than they will ever admit.

Your connection with them is the bridge to their future faith—how they see you live will be their default when they reach adulthood. Sure, they may choose their own path, but they will always be comparing it to what they learned from you. That’s why it is so important for you to intentionally show them unconditional love, mirroring God’s posture towards them.

You want them to know they can always come home to Christ!

This one season in their life does not determine their spiritual trajectory. And their resistance towards the church does not make you a failure as a parent! Faith journeys are a life-long process, and God is at work in their life even if you can’t see it at the moment.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:12).